I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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