There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
