took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
