She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
