So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
