Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
