Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
