the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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