you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
