What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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