so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize