I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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