you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize