all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
