Say something about gay babies.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize