Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
