that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
