I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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