they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
