Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my shit smells like andre
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
