Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
