tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
