I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
