Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
