They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
