I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
