He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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