Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
