So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
