You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
