I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
