So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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