What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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