dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
