just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
