So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize