first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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