It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize