apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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