No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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