Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
