I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
