Just cropdusted the office
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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