just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
