i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
