You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
