So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
