how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
