Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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