Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're like the curious george of whores
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
