It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
