Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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