My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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