Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
