I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
