I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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