I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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