did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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