"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
