based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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