It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dick very happy bro
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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