btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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