I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
