So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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