i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can I color on your dick again?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
