Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
