Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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