Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
