Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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