I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
