I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
