did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
