exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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