Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
